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| Alexander Graham Bell 1847-1922 |
It keeps switching its volume up as well. Normally, I keep it on vibrate - which is perfect for people who want to be notified without everyone around them knowing. However, that setting no longer seems to apply - now it's ALL or nothing. Life's getting embarrassing.
Yesterday at the dentist's, I tried to tap in the next appointment on my calendar. As ever, I missed the correct sequence of touch-screen keys and my phone started auto-correcting the word 'hygienist' for me audibly.
"Hugging," it said proudly and loudly.
"Would you like me to write it down for you?" asked the receptionist, stifling an unprofessional grin.
"Yes please," I said, diffidently.
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Phones are great when they work aren' they? You can turn your voice into an electrical signal, send it zipping down a wire, through the atmosphere, into actual space, off a satellite and half-way round the world before the other person has had a chance to say 'hello'. Not only that but you can access a worldwide network of connected computers in your pocket, all chattering away to each other in real-time 1s and 0s. It would have blown Alexander Graham Bell's mind to think that this would be possible within 150 years. He was excited enough by his own wobbly little telephone.
Time for an upgrade then. This leads to inevitably difficult questions: preserving numbers, which operating system? what model? what tariff? ... I can't bear all that. Maybe I'll just give up having a phone altogether. After all, my avoidance of facebook has been the best thing I've done in 2014 - maybe I'll just extract myself from the modern world altogether, regain that simple old-fashioned life that old people go on about. Maybe I'll join the Amish! People would say "What did happen to Matt Stubbs exactly?" and other people will reply knowingly, "Well his phone went weird... and then so did he."
... If they don't already.
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