THE SENSIBLE END

not a picture of Siberian miners

I just read an article about two drunk Russian men who cut off their ears to settle a bet. Apparently, they couldn't decide which of them had won an arm-wrestling contest, so both agreed to forfeit an ear.

These were Siberian miners. You've got to admit, that's a tough job, mining in Siberia. There was no mention of what they were mining for. I wanted it to be dilithium. I instantly pictured them circling each other in a snowy cave, like a scene from Star Trek. One flicks out a knife from beneath his furs and the other growls, showing his grizzly yellow teeth through an oily beard. The drums beat, the orchestra stabs at diminished off-beat chords as the tension rises...

I've not got the kind of job that will drive me to sozzle myself in bootlegged vodka. Nor am I likely to challenge my colleagues to a high-stakes drunken arm wrestle. I am very grateful for this, even if I do have to research how email encryption works. There'll be no cave-circling for me, Sergei. At least not today.

Perhaps foolishly, I have agreed to go on the next Engineering Curry Night. I've been to two of these affairs before. The first was well-mannered and short: classy conversations, nice food, fine ales and good company. The second was a little more... kindergarten. I went home feeling furious that night.

I can hear the tension-music as I think about it. I'm hoping that it will be alright. Alcohol always seems to push people into different states at different speeds. At the end of the debacle last time, one of the students shuffled up to our end of the table and said, "This is definitely the sensible end," which I took as a compliment, while trying to duck under the spoonfuls of pilau rice which were hurtling through the air.

The Sensible End. Onboard the starship Enterprise while the away team fight it out in the cave. Do you remember when 'sensible' was the opposite of 'naughty'? I think one of the great tragedies in society has taken place, almost imperceptibly, by switching the antonym of sensible to 'fun'. You can either be 'sensible' or you can be 'fun'... but you can't be both, it seems.

Well, yes, you can. Yes, you flipping well can. You can have a great night out too without getting drunk, while we're at it. And anyway, if we're going to get picky, the opposite of sensible is probably something like foolish or ignorant...or maybe stupid... like slicing off your ears in a Siberian mine to settle an inebriated wager. I don't mind being at the sensible end if that's where the alternative takes you.

Spock out.

I said Spock out.

I said... Spock... oh never mind, Sergei, never mind.