TEN EXCUSES

While the Reverend Henry Wilder might have been lucky enough to have a patch of land in the right place for a little round love-tower, some of us are less fortunate in those pesky affaires-de-coeur. 

I had an email today which carried the subject line: 10 Excuses You Give For Still Being Single. It was a humorous look at responses us singletons might give when asked the 'inevitable question' about our marital status: So, how come you're still single?

I read a book once which recommended some tactics when quizzed by married people. The author suggested replying to the ever-irksome: "How's your love life?" with a straight-faced: "Fine thanks. How's your sex life?"

I'll be honest: I've never been brave enough to put it into practice.

Excuses, said the email. Not reasons! Excuses. What are they assuming? It's tough to see any further than the obvious: that the correct, expected, normal, best and most acceptable state for an adult human being is to be in a relationship. So much so that anything else requires an excuse... like a sicknote that gets you out of P.E. or explains why you won't be able to do any heavy lifting. What a load of nonsense.

I'm growing more and more fed up with this hidden culture that says you must be with someone to be any good. I am single. I don't mind it most of the time. I have had plenty of opportunities not to be single, and I've turned down some great options. I've also taken up some terrible options in the past, if I'm honest, but I've learned that raking it over isn't too helpful.

What I am convinced of though is that singleness is really OK. It's not a mark of failure or inferiority. It doesn't have to be a trigger for analysing where it all went wrong and it's not a terrible pathway to everlasting loneliness. The hidden culture wants us to believe it, but it just isn't true. The key is (just as Paul noted in the letter to the Philippians) to be thankful in all circumstances.

There's no doubt that being with someone is fantastic. Having a person there who loves you and wants to spend time with you is brilliant; being committed to them through the adventure, with the ups and the downs and swings and roundabouts must be incredible. But it's not the case that not having those things is any less brilliant or incredible. It can be anything you want to make it.

So perhaps the answer to the question is not to pull an answer from the list of handy excuses? Perhaps the answer to the inevitable question is just: 'because I am and that's OK with me'. Then when they give that sympathetic look that seems to say 'Ah, but if only you knew what you were missing!' you can smile pleasantly back and remind yourself that the same sentiment exactly, applies to them.