THE TORTOISE, THE HARE... AND THE INCREDIBLE HULK

You won't like me when I'm angry

I'm having a bit of a meltdown tonight. I think it's because I've been up since 5:30. It's not a nuclear meltdown; I haven't slipped into an angry mushroom cloud or anything. It's more of a quiet leave-me-alone-in-the-corner type meltdown. I get these from time-to-time.

Oh it's not all sugary sweet in Stubbsytown. No siree. We have our fair share of caramel fires and marshmallow blowups round these parts. Tonight, I've just let the smallest things get right under my skin, and so to minimise the collateral damage, I've shut myself away in my room where I can pray and ask for a little help.

Crikey. It's like being the Hulk. Every week, Bill Bixby would walk off into the distance to the sound of that melancholy piano playing the Lonely Man Theme. That's depressing. I need to snap out of it. What's going on in the world?

Tortoise beats rabbit in China pet ski-off

That's quite a headline.

A tortoise beat a rabbit in a skiing competition held for pets and their owners in China, a report said on Tuesday.

In an unexpected outcome akin to an ancient Greek fable, a tortoise beat a rabbit, with the shelled reptile eventually claiming third place overall, the report said.

"Because the rabbit loved jumping and didn't follow its owner's commands, it was overtaken by the tortoise," it said.

Source: AFP/AFP

It turns out that the poor tortoise was simply strapped to some skis - which is a dreadful (if aerodynamic) thing to do. Meanwhile, rabbits do like jumping; oh they love a bit of jumping, rabbits. It's almost as though they're designed for that sort of thing. That's why it's always struck me as odd that 'ancient Greek fable' - I don't think it's very fair.

First of all, the race is designed to test who is the fastest of the animals. Will it be specimen A: note the long athletic legs and quick reflexes, the darting eyes and the nervous energy... or will it be specimen B: an ancient reptile with a massive shell on its back, noted chiefly for its longevity and low speed? Alright, the hare gets complacent while the tortoise understands the value of perseverance. Slow and steady wins the race, quote the masses. Try telling that to Usain Bolt.

In the end, the fable is nothing to do with speed at all - it's a clever way of letting us know that character is more important than gifting. It's just a little unfair how it gives a whole load of tortoises the idea that they can outrun rabbits.

I guess on skis, they can.

The Hulk is all about character and gifting too. Bruce Banner is utterly conflicted by the monster that rages inside him, just as Dr Jekyll was repulsed by the diminutive Mr Hyde in the Victorian story. These are tales about what boils within us, seething and bubbling and fuming... and how we handle it; about how we perceive ourselves, and how we judge our own behaviour around others... which is rather apt, as I sit here alone, trying not to sink into depression with myself. My one bit of thankfulness is that I know Jesus, a man who demonstrates perfect control and shows how a man's character is designed to dovetail with his gifting. I have a feeling he won't let me walk down the road like Bill Bixby.

I'll be alright tomorrow.