I know you're all anxious for a bathroom update. Yesterday, it was an empty room with bare plaster walls, Gary Lineker's toolbox and a toilet. Today, there's been a significant development: he's taken the door off its hinges and propped it against the window.
I couldn't come home for lunch today as I was running a meeting and I wanted to make absolutely sure that the laptop I'd borrowed was actually working. I sat in the meeting room at lunchtime, fiddling with cables and ethernet connections and domain credentials. I dislike technology sometimes. All I wanted was a laptop that was connected to both the network and a projector.
All that meant that I missed out on seeing Gary Lineker midway through unscrewing the hinges of the bathroom door. It also meant I couldn't ask him where my shower is. In any case, I know the answer: it's dumped in the bathtub that's sitting outside our front window alongside bags of rubble and old piping. I am so glad my Mum's not here to see this.
I went round to my sister's after work for a shower. I had a cup of tea too, and we watched a bit of Extreme Fishing with Robson Green. I'm a bit sceptical about Robson Green. I think he loves fishing a bit too much. When he pulled up a red snapper from the Indian Ocean, he suddenly slipped into the dizzy heights of elation usually reserved for lottery winners, five-year-old-girls-who-just-got-given-a-pony or ludicrous over-actors making the most of an amateur pantomime. No-one gets that excited about fish, do they? He was dancing around the boat like a lunatic. I reckon he hates fish really; I think he sits at home in Northumberland firing an air rifle at next door's fish tank.
"What happened to Jerome Flynn?" asked my sister. I doubt he's a big fan of Extreme Fishing somehow. However, Wikipedia (I have got to stop looking stuff up on Wikipedia) tells me he's in Game of Thrones, so it can't be all that bad for him. Plus, he's just notched up my useless trivia score by a count of one. Good man. I bet he doesn't prance around with a fishing rod either.
Speaking of a 'game of thrones', I wonder what Gary Lineker will get up to tomorrow in the bathroom. I'd sort of expected to see some tiling by now, rather than arbitrary door-manoeuvering. I'm actually a little worried that it won't be done in time. I might need to leave the house on Friday, just in case.
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