I'm in a weird cyclical mood at the moment. You know how it is - up and down, then up and down: you figure out how to do your work project... then forget your friend's 40th birthday party... Hmmm. The Big Book of Clichés says I ought to describe all this as a 'roller coaster' or for added effect and X-Factor bonus points, an 'emotional' roller coaster. But life (as emotional as it gets) is nothing like a roller coaster is it?
The roller coaster experience involves a long wait with your friends, snaking around a shuffling queue, chatting for hours about anything you can think of in order to avoid awkward conversation. I say 'involves' but to be honest, that is mostly it. Last time I went to Alton Towers we spent two hours in the queue for a ride that lasted 90 seconds and made me feel like I was about to die. If anything, that's an odd walk that ends with an exciting suicide attempt.
I guess people who read The Big Book of Clichés say this because it sometimes feels like life is throwing them every which way but loose and they've got no idea what's happening next. Again, this isn't really true of a roller coaster is it? After all, you've got every opportunity to look at the track before you get in the cart. You can even get an idea of which parts are scary from the terrified screams of people as they fly over you in the queue. That's another interesting point about roller coasters - who listens to the terrified screams of those ahead in the queue and rubs their hands together thinking, 'I can't wait for it to be my turn?'
Perhaps the person to turn to for answers is that learned poet and lyricist of our times, Ronan Keating. Didn't he write a song explaining in detail how life is like a roller coaster? Well, that was a bit rhetorical that question; I already know that yes, yes he did give it a go. But I don't think it's a lot of help - it comes across a bit like a tragic attempt at a date. Here it is:
Hey baby you really
Got my tail in a spin
Hey baby I don't even
Know where to begin
But baby I got one thing
I want you to know
Wherever you go tell me
'Cause I'm gonna go
It doesn't make a lot of sense so far. I think he's saying he's dizzy so he's going to follow a girl around like a confused stalker. Good luck with that, sunshine. Let's carry on...
We found love,
So don't hide it
Life is a rollercoaster,
Just gotta ride it
I need you,
So stop hiding
Our love is a mystery
Girl, let's get beside it
It seems he just wants to kind of 'go with the flow' and let the roller coaster take him wherever it goes. He's still a bit confused though because she's hiding from him - well, if he's stalking her, that makes sense... and it's still a mystery to him why they found love in the first place. My guess? It's all in his own head. Plus I've got no idea how you get 'beside' love anyway. I'm not really an expert but I think he could have plumped for 'inside' there, which fits both the pattern and the analogy of the line, though doesn't diminish the creepiness. Ho hum. What do I know?
Hey baby, you really
Got me flying tonight
Hey sugar, you almost
Got us punched in a fight
(That's all right)
And baby you know one
Thing I gotta know
Wherever you go, tell me
'Cause I'm gonna show
I'm a little scared by this verse if I'm honest. I think he might be doped up - so much so that he narrowly avoided a drug-fuelled brawl - which (take note) he's blaming on her. Perhaps she has become so fed up with him following her everywhere with eyes wider than dinner plates, that she's asked someone else in the queue to whack him. Weirdly though he still seems intent on showing up.
Eventually, he fades out with...
Can't you feel my heart?
Can't you feel my heart?
Can't you take my heart?
... which I imagine him saying while the paramedics wheel him off.
Perhaps Ronan isn't the person to turn to to understand the 'roller coaster' of life.
I really am in a weird cyclical mood. Is it a creative thing? I mean are creatives more likely to swing wildly from elation to despair as though they're blown about by the wind? I hope not. I'd like a little consistency, rather than turning up to things with a face like thunder. Then again, I'd kind of like life to be a bit more exciting and dynamic sometimes.
Ah well, roll on tomorrow.
Ha.
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