TERMS OF ENDEARMENT

"Do you want these things in a bag, love?" asked the checkout lady. I looked over the card machine. She was doubtlessly younger than me, confidently swiping my items across the barcode scanner while I flicked my Nectar card between my fingers. I was a little surprised by the term of endearment.

"Er, yes please," I replied. She flapped open a carrier bag and swept everything inside it.

"There you go, darling," she said, pitching her tone neatly somewhere between patronising and affectionate. "Have a nice day."

I thought the rules were that you only said things like that to people who are demonstrably younger than you? Somewhere up north, you'd almost expect a few ducks and lovies from the older generation. These are the words of your aunties who gently pat your arm and send you on your way with a crinkled kiss on the cheek. We had an aunty like that who lived in Bristol; when we were leaving, standing in the hall, buttoning our duffle coats, she'd press a pound coin into the palm of our hands as though it were an uncut diamond. We used to go home comparing our reverse-printed images of the Queen.

Down here in the south, we use these terms of endearment a bit differently, I think. Certainly the blokey equivalent is a bit more difficult to navigate.

"Thanks a lot, mate!" for example, is sarcastically loaded with almost the exact opposite meaning. Sometimes someone calling you 'mate' is a bit like them showing you round their garage while slipping on their boxing gloves. Similarly, the classic, "Listen, son..." almost always comes across a bit like a boss about to tell you who's in charge. These are the words of our stern-faced uncles, wise with experience, smarting with old memories, and usually right.

It's funny how we kind of need both these aunties and uncles in our lives isn't it?

So anyway, according to the bright-eyed checkout lady, I qualified today as a 'darling' and a 'love'. I'm not complaining; I went away smiling, not just because I secretly like being a 'darling' and a 'love' (whatever that means) but also because I like it when people break an unspoken convention with a refreshing confidence in being themselves.

Also, it made me wonder whether she thought I was younger than her.