My skin's cracking and flaking off. What causes it? Is it just dehydration? You know that feeling you get when you go to the seaside and you come home and your face is tight, and you're so happy it's just exhausting? That's it... without the happiness.
Perhaps I'm not eating enough fruit. I stopped off in the Co-Op this morning and got a little tub of mango.
You know what the worst part is? I don't want to get too descriptive but I do have to keep brushing my jumper. Eww indeed. When I dried my hair this morning, it looked like I was trapped inside a snowglobe - that's a rather depressing thought, not to mention that little subconscious feeling that I'm falling apart whenever I get stressed out and shaken up. Don't overthink that.
The mango tastes like it was picked and diced several weeks ago and has been sitting on a radiator.
Meanwhile, in the other, more confident half of my life, I found myself in Staples at lunchtime, looking for something I didn't know the name of.
"It's a thing you use to hold lots of pages together," I heard myself explaining to the blank-looking sales assistant. I held out my fingers and pinched them together. "It's long, and it's made of plastic - and oh, it's kind of triangular!" I said, smiling at my own inability to talk.
"Do you mean a spine?" she asked, glinting.
"Yes!" I cried, "That's the chap!" She led me round the corner to the multi-coloured wall of folders. I saw her smiling to herself, which was nice for her. It must be great to actually know your stuff and be able to help people.
Don't overthink that either.
That's the chap? Did I really say that? Not only had I forgotten the name for the thing that holds a book together, I now seem to be talking like I'm from a different decade. I'll be tally ho-ing before the day is out, at this rate.
I've eaten the cardboard mango. It came with a little plastic fork which wasn't quite strong enough for the job, so in the end I just popped each cube in with my flaky fingers and crunched my way through it. I'm not sure it's doing my skin any favours.
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