THIN

I sometimes feel like I'm living with my emotions bubbling away just under the surface. It's a very thin way to live, like being a translucent bag of fury, sadness, joy and tears, all at once. One mistimed joke, one ill-judged comment from the wrong person and I could explode like a box of fireworks.

It's no way to live, this, is it? It takes a lot of effort and hard work to keep myself contained. I look at those laid-back types who coast through life so carelessly. Nothing seems to faze them, nothing really gets their goat or takes their biscuit. It's all sort of cool somehow, life is good and if it's not they sort of make it work anyway - and then it is. Are they like me but just better at pretending? I wonder. I wish I were cooler.

I am dissatisfied I think, and the frustration with myself is growing. I lack confidence - so much so that I've signed up to some coaching at work, hopefully to help me deal with this crushing self-defeat I constantly feel and can't explain. My first session is tomorrow.