6:50. There's definitely someone in my flat. Whoever it is woke me up with the loudest sneeze I have ever heard. I get up, heart pounding, and I very nervously open all the doors and check all the cupboards. Nobody. Weird, must have been one of the neighbours.
7:20. I'm unusually weepy over breakfast. I try to remember whether there's anything I'm really all that sad about. All I can think of is Old Jamaica Fruit Punch going up from 35p to 40p a can in Sainsbury's.
7:30. I play some arpeggios on the piano and try to sing along. My voice goes croaky and I miss most of the notes.
8:00. I get in the car. My phone tells me it'll take sixteen minutes to get to work. I still feel a bit weepy. Plus, for the umpteenth time, I marvel at how Siri seems to know exactly where I'm going whenever I go anywhere.
8:30. I arrive at work wondering whether I went the way Siri thought I was going. I feel smug about getting one-up on my phone. Then I suddenly remember the other day when Sammy told me I was 'very competitive'.
9.00. My nose feels itchy. I twizzle it. My phone buzzes and the Clarityn app tells me that the pollen count today is HIGH. I immediately sneeze and blow a hole in my desk. Well, it felt like it; it's the loudest sneeze I've ever... heard.
Oh, I think to myself, realising exactly how I'd woken up.
It begins then.
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