GREAT MATTERS CONCERN ME AT 04:50

"Morning Matt," said Tracy the receptionist, buzzing about the kitchen.

"Hey," I replied.

"Get any sleep?"

"Me? Not really."

In truth it had been tough to drop off to sleep, even into the small hours, and then I had woken up at 4:50am to the sound of a door slamming in the breeze.

I don't put my insomnia down to the heat though. Mine's more to do with my mind whirring at a thousand miles an hour.

Nonetheless, the Nestle 3000 is in overdrive and a small collection of zombies in t-shirts  are wandering around with mugs, looking for their desks. I overheard another conversation, while waiting for the kettle to boil.

"Have you thought about air conditioning?"

"What, for one day a year?"

"Fair point."

The world's pretty sweet at 4:50am. I stood by the open window and let the cool early morning wind sweep over me. The sun was already throwing shadows over the park.

Why is my mind such a blur? I asked myself. I so want things to be simple. And why is there such a massive gap between the things I end up doing and the things I want to do? Is that normal?

That was when I remembered a bit of ancient wisdom given to me the day before I started secondary school. I don't know why it popped into my head, but there it was, larger than life. Psalm 131:

My heart is not proud, Lord,
my eyes are not haughty;
I do not concern myself with great matters
or things too wonderful for me.
But I have calmed and quieted myself,
I am like a weaned child with its mother;
like a weaned child I am content.

Psalm 131:1-2

This is how I want to be: not proud, not haughty, not overthinking(!) but calm, quiet and content, maybe content enough to walk through the fire or stay asleep in the boat in the middle of the thunderstorm.

I could definitely go to sleep, actually. I've been up since 4:50am.