TWENTY-FIRST CENTURY COOL

I had to wait for a Genius in the Apple Store, so they made me sit up at a giant wooden table while cool-looking people milled around with shiny iPhones. It's like a hipsters' waiting room, the Apple Store. Though what everyone is waiting for seems to be a bit of a mystery.

What I was waiting for was a technician to tell me what was wrong with my phone. I had already queued up, been given an appointment, gone for a tea, and embarrassed myself in front of the girl from Starbucks, so I was feeling a bit self-conscious, gazing round the shop. It had also occurred to me that I was sitting there in the Apple Store, clutching an iPhone in one hand and a Starbucks cup in the other, like a scruffy advert for early Twenty-First Century branding.

"Hi I'm Charlie," said a twelve year old in an Apple t-shirt, eventually, bounding up to the wooden table, "I'll be your technician today; follow me."

Charlie took me to the Genius Bar, where he cleaned my phone's charging port and then plugged it in. It sprang to life, much to my surprise. Charlie beamed, and I laughed.

"Thanks Charlie!" I exclaimed, in much the same way I would if one of my nephews had done a painting for my fridge. I added an 'awesome' and then a customary 'cheers mate' just to balance it up.

So that was that. And I have my phone back, which is great. I made my way through the crowd of tattooed, spectacle-wearing young people and out into the shopping centre. The girl from Starbucks was still there, wiping down the coffee stall. I slipped my empty cardboard cup into the bin. She gave me a funny look and then went back to work. I think it will take more than early Twenty-First Century branding to make me look cool, somehow.