COLD CALLER

I had another of those cold-callers ring me today, asking about the 'accident' I had in '2015 or 2016'. I always picture these people standing by the side of the motorway with clipboards, ready to fleece the victims of the next collision. As I keep telling them, I have had no such thing, but I decided to play along today.

"Well which is it?" I asked.

"Sir, I can't tell you that."

"You can't tell me when it was reported?"

"I can't tell you that."

"Or when it actually happened?"

"No sir, because of DPA."

"Because of what?"

"DPA."

"What's DPA?"

"You don't know what DPA is?"

"No. What is DPA?"

"DPA is Data Protection Act."

"Wait, so you're telling me that you have confidential information about something that happened... to me... that you can't tell... me...about because of data protection?"

"That's right."

"I see."

"So, you may be due compensation for the accident which occurred in 2015 or 2016, but we just need you to confirm a few details for us. Okay?"

"Okay, shoot."

"Can I confirm that your full name is..."

"I can't remember."

"You can't remember."

"Nope, 'fraid not. Amnesia."

"Amnesia?"

"Yes. From a car accident I might have had in 2015 or 2016."

Click.