TOO FAST

I think the world moves too fast for me. I'm not talking about the ever-shifting global-political landscape or the macro-economics of east versus west. Neither do I mean the widening chasm between furious liberals and toe-curling conservatives, nor the pendulum of thought on isolationism, nationalism and protectionism. Crumbs, I don't even mean the managerial line-up at Swansea City.

I'm talking about Mario Kart.

I went round to The Carters to play video games (are they even still called video games?) today. I was left once again with the feeling that I am not that great at that kind of thing.

The problem is that everything happens so fast, so impossibly noisily, and quickly, that you almost need lightning-reactions not to slam into a mushroom, or tumble into a precipice. Coin! Mushroom! L2! Left! Fire! Brake! Switch! Zoom! Bam! Oh. I've hit the side again. It's quick. It's deliberately bright, and confusing too! All the primary colours are there, sucking you in as they flash by in this perfectly-rendered world of impossible racers. I regularly finished 11th and 12th, chugging over the line while everyone else watched.

I think I need to process the world, the whole world, much more slowly. This breakneck pace where there is no time to think about what to do next, is too quick for me. I can't view the whole screen at once and figure out what's going on from all the flashing images in front of me. The pixels are moving faster than my eyes. It's a wonder how anybody knows what to do.

It is super-foggy tonight. As I drove home, I could only see one lamppost ahead through the thick white mist that hid the world. My fog lamps beamed out in front of the car, like lasers, apexing to a point several metres into the cloud.

I started wondering whether life itself is like Mario Kart. I didn't know, for example, that unless you accelerate before the start, you'll always be behind. The start we get in life is everything. I hit the side, got spun out of the way, picked up some bonuses and got overtaken lots. That happens. I also did okay at some points too and felt like I was improving. Even by the end though, it did seem to all be zipping by at a pace I couldn't keep up with.

I always thought that life was more like chess. At chess, I pondered and calculated, predicted and reacted, defended and manoeuvred. But I had time to think it all through. My brain was able to dictate the pace of the game - often to my opponent's irritation, actually. It occurs to me now that Formula 1 racing drivers probably do exactly the same thing but at a ludicrous 200mph. A Grand Prix is surely just high-octane chess with super-fast engines. And somewhere between the two, is (probably) the colourful world of Mario Kart.

It's bound to be a combination, isn't it. Some things you can manoeuvre to change the pace, some things you just have to catch up on. The more I thought about that, driving home, the more I wished I'd worked it out years ago.

I slowed down for the traffic lights and gently pulled the car to a stop. The mist swirled through the beams over the glistening road, disappearing into the darkness in front of me. I gripped the steering wheel, blinked once, pursed my lips and then revved the engine, waiting for the lights to change. Three. Two. One...