OUT OF TUNE

Well here we are then, last working day (working *ahem*) before the holidays begin.

I um. I don't feel very Christmassy. I think it's because I don't have a television. No wait, I think it's because I haven't been into the town centre this year and heard the Salvation Army. No wait, it's because I haven't been massively stressed in a shop that has turned the heating up despite the fact that everyone is wearing a coat and a scarf.

Actually, I think it's because I worked right through to today, instead of disappearing straight after last week's Christmas Party. Only the stragglers remain, clicking away in an empty office between the Engineering Christmas Tree and the ropey-looking gold-coloured tinsel draped half-heartedly over the whiteboards.

Gosh. It might be because I haven't heard all the usual Christmas music I can't stand. This year, Mariah Carey Day wasn't until December the 16th, which is remarkably late.

And I've still yet to hear McCartney simply having a 'wonderful Christmastime' for the forty-somethingth year in a row.

There's been no sound of Noddy Holder shouting, or that guy in the dark glasses trailing off with "Merry Christmas darling, wherever you are."

John and Yoko have been absent (though war is definitely not over). So are Wizzard and their annoying gaggle of children from the 70s wishing it could be Christmas every day. Thankfully, no Chris de Burgh has warbled about a spaceman this year, and even Johnny Mathis hasn't been seen crooning from the boughs of his enormous plastic Christmas tree.

None of that. Lots of carols - which is, how I like it. Although, having said that I did find myself pulling a few faces in Sainsbury's last night, listening to the Samaritans Orchestra playing in the foyer. The conductor (Santa hat) was sitting down, bouncing her baton up and down as though slowly remonstrating an invisible toddler. It's quite possible that the invisible toddler had been playing with a lot of the tuning pegs.

I don't mean to be rude about the Samaritans Orchestra. They were actually alright, and they were doing a great thing! I have missed whinging about all that other tacky music though. There's always next year, I suppose.

I think as well, there's a lingering kind of dampness in the air at the moment. My guess is that a lot of people are struggling to feel hopeful or joyful, rather than slightly alarmed and cynical at the end of 2016. I get the sense that Christmas is slightly out of tune with the zeitgeist.

I might be wrong. After all, I don't use flumpbook and I don't have a telly. Twitter is a curious window on the world, and beyond that all I've got is my overactive sensitivity.

So, anyway, this season is of course, what you make it. And right now, I intend to make it ... home for a warm glass of something and a bit of cheery old Classic FM. Then later I'm off to a Christmas do - carols round the piano, mulled wine and some festive fun.

And hopefully, no invisible toddlers.