HOT TUBS AND GOLDEN CROWNS

So Harry Boiler came over. My boiler’s fine. Good to know. He did tell me about his inflatable hot tub though.

“They any good those inflatable hot tubs?” I asked, casually, as if I’d heard of them. I didn’t want one; I was just making conversation.

Harry told me how his cat had deflated the four-seater, and how they’d just replaced it with a sixer. Malibu in one hand, freedom in the other, Harry and his folks (but presumably not the cat) sit out under the stars in the chlorinated steam and bubbles, relaxing at the end of the day. Nothing finer, apparently, than a well-inflated hot tub.

Although it does cost £100 a month to run, he told me. I think you’d really have to make the most of it, especially in these eye-watering, belt-tightening days.

Speaking of belt-tightening, I also put on the State Opening of Parliament, and let it play out while I was working. This is the moment when the Sovereign comes to parliament and explains what the government intend to do over the next year. Only this year, the Sovereign (the Queen) sent Prince Charles to do it for her, due to her ongoing mobility problems.

This ceremony glitters. In comes the monarch to the Lords, to fanfares and velvet, to a golden throne and a crown on a cushion. Then Black Rod, the Queen’s representative from the House of Lords, goes to collect the members of the House of Commons. Monarchy and parliament collide. The commons slam the door in Black Rod’s face; Black Rod pounds the door of the chamber with a staff three times. It’s all symbolic of how the monarchy can’t interfere with how the country is run.

Then, when the speech about how the government will tackle the cost-of-living-crisis had been read out loud, the diamond-encrusted crown, the Prince of Wales and the Duke of Cambridge were chauffeured back to the palace in three separate Rolls Royces.

Anyway, Harry Boiler has an inflatable hot tub and after a tough day with spanners and pipes, he kicks back and sinks in. Boilering must pay well, I guess. Meanwhile (and I didn’t say this) I prefer my baths indoors, on my own, and not costing £100 per month.

Three, separate Rolls Royces. Sometimes you know, I do wonder about all that.