RUSH HOUR RAMBLINGS

Do cement mixers speed up when the vehicle is in motion?

I got stuck in traffic this morning and I was counting the number of times the word Hanson revolved past the driver's cab. It was about once every five seconds and then, it seemed, much faster while the vehicle moved away from me. I wondered for a while whether it was some relativistic effect or whether it actually does speed up.

A politician on the radio was rambling about something awfully dull.

"One should probably know one's own mind on this issue..." he said, sprawling his vowels over the airwaves.

"Outrageous," I heard myself muttering at the steering wheel, "Surely only the Queen is entitled to talk in the third person!"

The cement mixer in front of me slowed down and, well... slowed down.

I think it must be the same thing that works for ice cream vans - the faster you drive, the faster goes the tempo... of Greensleeves or Pop Goes the Weasel... or cement.

I flicked over the radio to Classic FM. I've got a new game: guess the composer before the music ends.

Beethoven's Fifth pomped its way into my car as though it was announcing the obvious traffic. The game isn't quite as much fun when the most famous piece of classical music ever, gets played. To be fair though I think we're at one-all, Classic FM and I, as last time they tricked me into thinking Haydn was Mozart. Tsk. I'm not even sure Beethoven's Fifth is suitable for rush hour...

Aw you do know it. It's the one that goes Dah-dah-dah, Dah! dah-dah-dah, Dah!

Hanson. I imagined the cement inside it, wet and sticky getting thrown around in the darkness. I wondered for a while whether a five second revolution was 5Hz or 0.2Hz. I concluded it was 0.2Hz.

Then I remembered that Hanson were a pop trio from the 90s; a kind of saccharine one-hit wonder. I wonder how they got into cement mixing?

"Well, when one is the Speaker of the House, one should realise that one's impartiality is..."

Oh do be quiet.