BOUNTY CAKE

You know what I’d like? A cake made out of Bountys.

Now I know what half of you are thinking and yes, I know, but we’re each of us entitled to like what we like. And while you might think Bountys were a cruel Machiavellian prank on humanity, I think I’d like a Bounty cake. And we like what we like, don’t we? So there.

I guess it would be coconut filling, all the way through. Or perhaps it would have to be spongier somehow to keep its shape, but it would definitely have that same taste. And then it would be encased in that Mars chocolate, simulating as it does, the shell of a desert island coconut, rippled by the tropical wind on a turquoise sea

A slice of that with a cup of tea right now, would be terrific. Sammy’s out. I’ve put the FA Cup quarter final on as though I were a person who knew about football. I do wonder whether I’d have liked football more if it had been on TV. Then, I still had to endure it in PE I suppose, so perhaps it would still have been awful. Well, you like what you like.

Could you melt down a Bounty? I wonder if you could melt the chocolate and then use it for icing. Then it would just be a sponge recipe, probably two layers like a Victoria sponge, but with a splash of coconut flavouring and coconut flakes mixed in. There could be a chocolate filling as well.

Man United went one-nil up while I wrote that. The stadium erupted with celebration as the players in red peeled away to the corner flag. What does that feel like? I wondered - that amount of noise at something you did, you made happen. It must be intoxicating, dangerous, addictive.

I’m going to be dreaming about that Bounty cake now.