LIGHTBULBS AND CANDLES

Today I feel as though I’d quite like to change something big. You know, on a whim, just dye my hair, quit my job, buy a car, move to Scotland - something like that. Something to really get the eyebrows flying.

We won’t do any of that, of course. Sammy and I are far too risk-averse to jump without thinking, and I know that you can’t throw a rock in the pond without making ripples, no matter how satisfying the splash. But sometimes, just sometimes… life is so hard and so tedious, it just feels like you have to change… something.

That old Einstein quote came up the other day - about how it’s insanity to keep doing the same thing and expect different results. I don’t know if he really did say that, but when I heard it dropped into conversation, I stared at the floor and pondered. What about a hammer bashing a nail into a tough bit of wood? What about what we’re told about praying and never giving up? What about keeping going because the darkest hour is always before the dawn?

I think there are contexts for repeating the same thing over and over until you break through, and there are contexts for changing things until you find the way to get somewhere new. That’s what Edison did with the lightbulb - each failure was a step, an evolution towards the best solution. In one sense he kept doing the same thing, in another he changed something every single time. It’s said that it took over 500 iterations.

Nevertheless, it does feel like I have to change something. It could be a small thing, rather than a drastic thing. Then again, perhaps it needs to be something big and scary?

I wonder how Thomas Edison felt when that final iteration popped on and lit up his workshop? I imagine he saw dollar signs, but it’s nice to think that he clapped his hands together and said ‘Eureka!’ or something apposite. ‘By Jiminy!’ or ‘Saints be praised!’ or something American.

I don’t know what to do; only that there’s an ongoing dissatisfaction in simultaneously believing in electric light and yet still going to bed with a candle night after night after night.