Not sure how to feel today. My Dad’s chirpy apparently. He’s with it enough to do a sudoku and make a joke or two, so, you know, back to at least 30% of his usual self now. All in the right direction.
I haven’t been to see him this week. I don’t think it’s because I’m a bad son; just that I was in charge of organising who was going to take my Mum to see him this week, and I let my sisters take all the slots I could do. Hopefully I’ll go on Monday. That will be nice. I’m happy enough to have looked after my Mum and made sure she had company when she needed it. I can’t really bear the thought of either of them being on their own really, but… well, you know. Well, if you’re my age and you’ve had to think about it… you’ll know what I mean.
I’ve been a bit wobbly. I was talking to Sammy about it today in the car. What am I here to do in this particular season? What’s my role and my function? I couldn’t exactly pin down why this matters so much, but it really does - and there’s a unique dissatisfaction with not knowing the answer. I think there are things that make me tick - writing, worship, teaching, thinking about deep stuff - but somehow, what with life spinning away, there isn’t really a lot of time for any of that. And anyway, who wants to hear from a minstrel-bard-philosopher-poet anyway? Especially in this day and age where social media seems to churn them out like cheap mints from a pez dispenser!
It’s Mother’s Day tomorrow. I got her some ginger thins from the farm shop and a copy of the movie Wonka, on DVD. She’ll enjoy the thins, I’d wager. I don’t know about Wonka but Sammy and I loved it and it felt like a calculated risk. What I really want to get her is my Dad home from hospital, whole and healed. I certainly hope that day’s on its way. Perhaps that’s all I’ve got in terms of purpose - spreading hope, and a bit of love and some joy to the people around me. It strikes me that we all need those things at the moment.
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