I spoke to Rob about my life today, and he clocked the fact that I need a break. It must be obvious to people then, that I'm exhausted. He thinks June is too far away. I told him I'd like to go tomorrow, so long as I could sleep on the way. I can't go tomorrow of course, and he's right, I will have collapsed by June. I tried to explain that it feels like much more than tiredness, but my lack of eloquence just proved the opposite. I'm wondering whether I can go on holiday in May without letting everybody down.
I wish I could unplug my brain, stop it from thinking and put myself on standby for a while. No input, no output, no expectation, no worry. I would need a friend though, to turn me back on, and that's where the plan gets awkward. Perhaps if the switch were on a timer, I could set it for eight hours, maybe a day, a week, several months. People would ask whether I'm free and all they'd get is the sound of snoring.
Ah snoring. To sleep then, or at least, to attempt it, perchance to dream. I could do with a dream.
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