BEST COVERAGE

"It's official, you're getting the best coverage in South East England!" said the message, popping into life on my phone.

Thanks very much, EE. I wonder why me though, and not someone who lives closer to a radio mast or something.

Maybe Bob the Telephone Engineer? You know, the guy who has to climb up telegraph poles every now and again - surely he's getting better signal than me?

Or what about Kevin Bacon? He's got so much signal he keeps going on about it on actual television! It seems unlikely that I'm better connected than Kevin Bacon!

Well done if you got that.

Anyway, how do they even calculate these things? I'm sure I heard somewhere that there is entirely no-one who knows what 'two bars' of signal even means! How can they locate the person with the best coverage if they can't even define the scale?

'Two bars.' It's been dots for ages anyway, hasn't it? At least it has on the iPhone. So how 'official' is it?

I carried my phone off into the lobby and out into the car park. 3G disappeared and the dots were replaced by the familiar 'No Service'.

I dread to think what's happening to everyone else in South East England!

Except Kevin Bacon of course. I bet he's alright.