WHAT REALLY MATTERS?

One of my sisters is five years older than me. She has three children, an ex-husband and a lot of life. She's funny and smart and kind and she's always looked after me. I love her.

"I met someone who knows you," she said, yesterday. I sipped my tea and looked inquisitive.

"Well... people know me," I said, trying to impersonate Ron Burgundy. The reference was lost though, and it just looked like I was being smug. I went a bit red.

"So, who?"

"Oh a lady called [Sandra]," she said. The lady's real name is not Sandra - I've changed it. "She goes to your church, I think."

"Okay. I know her," I said. More tea.

"Can you believe she actually thought I was younger than you? Ha!"

The implication of that hit me suddenly as though someone had thrown a bomb into the conversation.

Three things rang in my ears while I processed it.

Firstly, the conversational logic showed my sister was implying that she looks ten years younger than she actually is. Never really thought about that but okay.

Secondly, there is a chance that [Sandra] is terrible at discerning ages and her view is not reflected across the general concensus...

And thirdly, uncomfortably, that conversation in the kitchen floated back to me - the one where my colleague guffawed when I told him I couldn't remember a TV show from the seventies because I was 'still in my thirties' and he simply refused to believe it.

My fingers shook as I held the teacup. "Sounds about right," I said, in a melancholy fashion.

I have a weird feeling it might be all three of those things - though obviously I can't speak for [Sandra's] ability to determine how old a person is. It is quite likely then that I do look older than my older sister, and she looks younger than her younger brother.

The whole thing seems something trivial now, but I'm writing about it because yesterday it sent me spiralling into gloom. I need no assistance from people to figure out the enormous difference between the way I see myself and the way other people see me.

The question is: what really matters? And it's a deeper question than it seems, even if your heart has already leapt to an answer.

But I'll leave you, the rest of the discerning world, to think carefully about that.