COMPOS MENTIS

1215. Runnymede

"Sorry your Majesty, but don't forget..."

"Don't forget what? I've already agreed to your contemptible terms, De Clare. What on earth could you and your band of scurrulous... noble...men... possibly wish to add?"

"Sire, you must sign to agree..."

Richard De Clare looks furtively to the other barons. There's an uncomfortable shuffle between the spears and flags while they try to avoid eye contact.

"... the tank clause."

"The tank clause?"

"Yes, Sire. Here. Every man in England... shall be entititled... to his own... armour-plated vehicle with large-bore cannon and rotating weapons turret."

"What?"

"A tank, your Majesty. It's a sort of moving castle."

"Every man in England. Are you insane? And is there such a device?"

"There is, Sire. Just here, Your Majesty, above the line."

--

England, 900 years later...

"It's just a tool really. I need it for off-roading."

"Have you thought about a Land Rover?"

"A Land Rover? That'll get stuck in the mud before you can say 'fire in the hole' old boy. Look, I'm not a madman. I'm not going to drive it through some shopping centre. I'm going to use it in the countryside, you know sensibly."

"But what about if you lost control of it or..."

"I'm still compos mentis! And I know what I'm doing."

"But not everybody does."

"You mean... what happened..."

"I mean what happened. Well it was awful."

"It was. Of course it was. But that guy was mentally ill. He had serious problems at home!"

"He had serious problems in the tank too."

"If I'd been there, in mine, I'd have blasted him clean off of the road before he'd had a chance to breathe."

"I'm not sure you are compos mentis."

---

"Listen, mate. It's our constitutional right to own a tank. You ain't gonna come an' take my T-90 off me. You'll have to prize it from my cold, dead... er... garage."

---

USA, some time in the future...

"You wanna go where?"

"England."

"Oh my."

"I want to see the sights."

"Only sights there are in the cross-hairs, buddy. It's the tank capital of the world. You can't move for the things. And the country's like a construction site - no, wait, a war zone. Stay here where it's safe won't you?"

"Where it's safe?"

"Sure. Where it's safe."