"Could you er, refrain from coughing the lurgy around please?" asks Software Developer A.
"Er, well, I'll try," replies Software Developer B, a little helplessly. I'm with you, Software Developer B; I'm not sure what I could do about it either.
Nonetheless, Software Developer B is not alone. I'm in the cross-fire of sneezes and wheezes and coughs and diseases today. From the usual galumphing snortles to the earth-shaking death-rattle, from the slimy shudder to the rapid-rate phlegm-clearer, all the pantheon of disturbing coldy noises are here.
"I'm convinced that going to the gym has prevented me being ill this week," I said, turning to Erica.
"They do say exercise builds your immunity," she said.
I'll be going tomorrow morning.
Meanwhile, the malaise spreads all the way beyond the physical symptoms, to attitudes too, it seems! There is a distinctive grumpiness in the air. If I close my eyes, I can almost feel it, like Yoda and the Force.
It's becoming harder and harder to maintain my own atmosphere though, sitting here with my eyes shut.
"Matt, what are you doing?"
"Oh. Just thinking." I flick them open. It occurs to me that the dark side is stronger than the light, while my eyes re-adjust.
I was very affected yesterday - properly grumpy. Being grumpy is a bit like being a volcano - the only way people know it is if you erupt at them. And I decided to bottle it up, deep within as though I were just another mountain-with-a-hole-in-the-top.
I got the feeling though that people could tell. I'm not exactly brilliant at hiding my emotions. Then I snapped at Winners while we discussed gun control over WhatsApp.
Today though, despite the irritable virus-war-zone, things are much brighter. The dentist was happy with me (and notably quick!), the sky was blue and cloudy instead of windswept and rainy, and I made people laugh in a meeting again, oh, and even the tea tasted better!
Hope I'm not a yo-yo.
Plus, in more magical news, the Lawnmower Wizards cut my grass! I couldn't believe it as I stood there, curtains in hand, peering out from my bedroom. I beamed to myself, almost uncontrollably, and then laughed. The Tale of the Lawnmower Wizards is one for another day, I think.
Meanwhile, I'm trying to work out how to protect myself from the barrage of infections that rolls like thunder around the office, while keeping myself alight like a little beacon of hope in the grumpy war of sneezing software developers.
With a fair wind and a good old workout, hopefully I'll be just as chipper tomorrow.
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