The other day, the Nestle 3000 went into meltdown and threw coffee all over the floor when Jamie tried to use it. He made a point of talking about clearing up the mess.
"For a while I was promoted to the job of 'cleaner'" he joked, as though he'd been reading the Big Book of Kitchen Chit-Chat.
Anyway, whether specifically because of that, or because for a while it's been chugging and spluttering an awful curious brown liquid (other than coffee), the famous old Nestle 3000 has finally gone the way of old coffee machines.
You thought the weird sky was apocalyptic? The destiny of the coffee machine seems much more significant. No more Nestle 3000? After all these years? Isn't there something about that in the book of Revelation?
The developers need panic not though, my caffeinated friends. For the ancient Nestle 3000 has been replaced...
By the Borg Assimilator.
Seriously, this thing has a touch-screen, blinks like a transporter beam and is almost sentient. It sits in the corner where the old vending machine was, like a colossus - quietly working out how it can take over the company. It has no buttons, just a smooth glass front - a skyscraper, a giant smartphone, projecting cheery animations of cups of mocha, americanos and espressos, ready at the swish of a finger and a flickering flash of bright blue light.
"New coffee machine! What are your thoughts?" I Skyped Eloi across the room.
"Hello! Much more nicer than the previous one," he said. Eloi's from Catalonia. "The coffee is a bit light (+water) but it is fine so far. I just do 2 espressos now!"
He's cut down from three then. I have no idea how he drinks it. I told him that that much coffee would keep me awake until Christmas. Imagine that, working away, typing faster and faster and filling every minute with caffeine-fuelled, rocket-powered emails and text files and spreadsheets. I'd be a wreck.
But perhaps that's the Borg Assimilator's plan, after all?
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