MAX POWER

There is a reason why half the office have decided to call me Max Power, and it’s a bit complex.

Also, this happened:

“Oh it’s you!” said the lady behind the counter. “Where were you yesterday? Yesterday we had mango muffins!”

It would have been too long to have explained that I was at the hospital. And anyway, the second sentence had already grabbed my attention.

“Mango?” I inquired. I expect one eyebrow was raised.

“Mango!” she laughed. A sideways glance at the glass cabinet of shortbread, cookies, and flapjacks, told me that if indeed there had been mango muffins, they had not survived to today. I gulped.

“Are they... were they better than the tropical ones? ‘Cos you know the tropical ones are my absolute favourite?”

She curled her mouth into a delicious grin and beamed. She nodded.

“I had one straight from the oven,” she said, “Absolutely incredible. So nice.”

“But none today,” I observed.

“None today,” said she, unfadingly happily. “So what’ll it be instead?”

I reasoned that it might have been better if she’d not told me about the mango muffins - not even mentioned it; that would have seemed like the kind thing to do! The detail about eating one straight from the oven too, I felt was a tad unnecessary, as I swung my shortbread in a paper bag on my way back to the office.

Hmmm.

Oh yes. The office. Apparently there’s a Simpsons episode where Homer changes his name to Max Power and he becomes a bit of a dynamic go-getter, noticed by all who work at the nuclear power plant, especially Mr Burns. Erica thought it was a hilarious way to get me noticed by the big cheese (who definitely doesn’t know my name) so she suggested I rename myself ‘Max Power’ to boost my chances.

Someone else overheard it and within an hour I was suddenly being called Max Power by most of my colleagues, including, worryingly, the HR department.

For a while I did wonder whether it really was possible that the CEO would genuinely hear people talking about this Max Power guy downstairs (presumably in sector 7G), and come down to see who he was! Life imitating art in some circular way.

“There are three ways to do things!” says Homer in that episode, “The right way, the wrong way, and the Max Power way.”

“Isn’t that the wrong way?” asks Bart.

“Yeah,” says ‘Max’, “but faster!” And then he walks into a cactus.

I hope it doesn’t stick. Max Power indeed. But then, maybe the young, dynamic brilliant Max... would be much more successful at getting mango muffins?

Hmmm.