PUDDLE-DRENCHED

I stood there, clutching my umbrella in shock.

It was as though someone had thrown a bucket of freezing water over me, and like a bedraggled Mary Poppins, I was sort of waiting for the wind to change.

Close.

A car had puddle-drenched me, top-to-bottom, while I walked by the library! It took me a second to realise what had happened.

Everything was shiny and wet - the front of my coat, my shoes, my fingers holding the umbrella handle, my face, everything. My steamed-up glasses dripped with out-of-focus droplets, and I found myself theatrically blowing... what can only be described as... a loud raspberry of indignation... to no-one in particular.

I think this is an offence isn't it? (The soaking, not the blowing of raspberries). Well, if it was deliberate it ought to be an offence! But how would anyone go about proving that? It was already too late to turn around by the time I came to my senses, too late, and too dark - there was very little I could have done.

So my mind started playing out a couple of different scenarios of the other side of the story.

In one, a carload of boy racers cackled and high-fived as they sloshed on down the road. Stereo blaring, beats-a-pumping. My hardwired sense of justice hoped they'd flooded their engine.

In the next, an older couple, on their way to a church group (I don't know why, don't ask me why) were having a heated conversation about how mortified they were. She told him they ought to go back and see if the guy they splashed was alright; he persuaded her it was a waste of time, it was only water, and anyway, they'd miss the coffee-time and the best doughnuts.

Or, perhaps more likely, whoever it was just didn't notice, and still doesn't have any idea what they did. In which case, fair enough - that (unfortunately) sounds like exactly the kind of thing that I would have done - though I seriously hope not.

Anyway. I squelched on down the road with a shiver and a shudder, the drizzle still hanging in the air under the lamplight. I was cold, soaking wet, and trying my best not to be fed up about it.

"Probably time I got a car then," said the sensible bit of my brain, catching up with... well pretty much everyone I know about three months ago. "Just don't puddle-drench anyone!"

Yes. Yes, indeed.